Strength of a woman
By TAN HORNG HAN
Sometimes, when faced with unbearable grief, a person’s true character shines through.
WHEN my father died following a heart attack three years ago, at the age of just 54, our family was in a state of total shock and grief for a while.
However much I would like to tell the story of my beloved dad, I would like to share today the story of how a tough lady, whom I love equally as much, managed to bounce back from a state of despair into life again within a short time. She is my mum.
Dad and Mum to the Tans, Mr Tan Wang Ing and Madam Han Wee Jee to the rest of the world.
Being totally in love with my dad for almost 30 years, my mum was utterly devastated when Dad passed away on Dec 31, 2004. The fact that all her kids were overseas at the time did not help.
My brother, his wife and I were in Singapore and had to rush back home that very night when we received the news.
My sister had to fly all the way back from Amsterdam where she worked and my youngest brother travelled from Britain, where he was studying.
It was not easy for everyone during that period, especially after the cremation and services for my dad.
I still remember vividly how my mum would go to a concert and come home sobbing because it reminded her how, in the past, she would never have attended any concerts without my dad.
At times, she would stare blankly at the ceiling and mumble words that were unintelligible to us.
My sister was so concerned about Mum that she asked for three months off work to stay in Malaysia and keep her company.
It was during these challenging times that we, as family, really stuck together, supporting each other all the way.
Even my aunt from Singapore, whom we had not been especially close to, called almost every other day to check on my mum, making sure that she ate and slept properly. We were all deeply touched – our relationship improved and we remain close to this day.
Almost a month passed before Mum pulled herself together and went back to work.
That was thanks to a brilliant move by my sister, who kept encouraging Mum to go back to her teaching job so that it would at least keep her occupied.
And thanks to all the supportive colleagues, my mum regained her composure and resumed her passion for teaching.
It was also during this period that she decided to join the Lions Club in the hope of contributing to the society on behalf of my dad.
(When he was alive, Dad had contributed to society in any way he could, and my mum vowed to carry on his social work.)
In one of her fund-raising projects, she created club history by exceeding the target by the highest margin ever. It was during this time that we knew for sure that our mum was her good old self again.
Through the club, Mum also got to know a very good friend who has since remained a very close family friend – Aunty Jenny.
When they were organising the fundraiser, Aunty Jenny and my mum withstood the scorching sun and cold rain and found the courage to speak with some high-ranking society figures.
Aunty Jenny also encouraged my mum to take an interest in plants and herbs, transforming my mum into a “green finger”. The flowers and plants in our garden are now blossoming just as attractively as those of our neighbours, which we could only envy before.
To top it all off, she experienced the joy of welcoming into this world an adorable granddaughter, (my niece) baby Sarah.
Sarah’s arrival was certainly timely, as she was born right after the first anniversary of my dad’s death, and that really filled up my mum’s heart with additional warmth.
Mum mentioned in her retirement speech a year ago that one of the greatest things that came out of our loss was that we truly found great comfort in each others’ arms, and that it was then that she found out just how much her colleagues, friends and relatives meant to her.
She really touched us by saying that the reason she could bounce back within just one month, was us, her kids. Even though it was not easy, she had to do it so that we would not have to continue worrying about her.
In the past few years, my mum has taught me about courage, great love and a passion for life.
I thought I had known her after my 32 years of association with her. However, it was not until the past three years that I realised what a strong, patient and wonderful person she is.
In tribute to her and to my dad on the third anniversary of his departure, I want to thank them for the wonderful life they have bestowed upon me.
And to Aunty Jenny, thank you so much for being there for my mum when she needed it the most.